I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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