Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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