Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
