I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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