Church boner. Awkwardddd
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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