fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
