ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
