eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Hippo gnu deer
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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