yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
