Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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