It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
