Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
