How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
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you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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