I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
