Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
