Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Randomize
