mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
