i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
