ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
