I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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