He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
