Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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