3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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