Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
