i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
