My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
