The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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