Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
