Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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