dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
What drink are we having for lunch?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
