their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
how does that bad decision feel?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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