I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Actions speak louder than pants.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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