I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
