I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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