Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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