Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
