the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
