i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Randomize
