T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
