woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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