I don't remember. Are we still dating?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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