Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
