her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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