When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
