wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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