Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
