Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
