I am spending my child support on dildos
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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