now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
