its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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