A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
