Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
