mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
