I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
