11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
