Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
