At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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