you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
