Me. At least after what I've been through.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
