im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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