Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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