im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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