this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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