would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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