I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
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He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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