Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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