sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
