you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
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at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
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and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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