two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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