I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
