I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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