i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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