I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
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A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
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Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
where are my eyebrows?
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