Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
