So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
