Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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