Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
