So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
