Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
